I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
