Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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