i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
