That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
