im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Come see our sink grown plant.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I pour the whiskey from now on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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