Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
birth control should be required to get into college
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
