I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
