Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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