Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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