i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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