Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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