Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
