Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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