Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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