she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He has the fingertips of a God
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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