yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
