I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
