cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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