well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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