I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
