Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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