His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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