Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
