so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
