My room smells like vodka and shame
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
