sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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