There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
