It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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