Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
