1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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