Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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