Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
