i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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