hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
where does the pee come out of this thing
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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