This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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