I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
