Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
