The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
