The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
