can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
