Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
