you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
