thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you would pick up someone in the library
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
