lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
