I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
