I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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