Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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