I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
