Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
