Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
