i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
