I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
