we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
